Resolving my resolutions

Resolutions are hard.  I am terrible at keeping them.  This blog has been a resolution of sorts.  Clearly, I have already fallen off the wagon!

I have been collecting scraps of paper again scribbling things down that have happened in the past year, that would be 2012.  While baking, putting up and taking down the tree, trying to put in exercise into my 2013 regiment, dealing with the flu or whatever bug the kids have been passing back and forth to each other, I am always thinking.  My lens is still adoption. Adoption is never casual in my life.  I can’t simply say I am adopted or that I work in adoption and let it be.  There is always something personal that comes up.  There is rarely something personal about being a tax attorney, a hedge fund guy, a doctor, in the same gut kicking way it can be for me as an adoptee who works in adoption.

In my reflecting, I got to meet more adoptees than I have in a very long time.  Introverted by nature, meeting new people and doing small talk is not a natural occurrence.  I have really enjoyed meeting this new group of adoptees.  They are in the collective of being a generation behind me.  They remind me of how unique our experiences are and I love that they are optimistic enough to choose to work in this field, challenge and change the language.  I am most impressed by their connection to Korea, some lived there for years, some are anxious to live there.  I like this new role I am finding myself in, the role of teacher and mentor.  Always mothering and yet with the added excitement of passing along my 20 years of life working in adoption.  Inspired and looking forward to inspiring.

While my reading and educating these days are limited to Time Magazine, Newsweek, NPR, Melanie Klein and Winnicott, I am loyal to KoreAm magazine too.  Aside from the beautiful eye candy of Korean and Korean American men on the cover, I have been impressed by the magazine’s continual coverage of issues facing adoptees – from the twins who are homeless in Washington, DC, to featuring an adoptee with world renowned chefs, to a story on an adoptee who is involved in activism for issues in Korea.  Thank you KoreAm for your inclusion of adoptees in just about every issue!

2012 brought an awareness of other areas of activism that I have often felt too overwhelmed to think about.  The issues of deportation, citizenship, wrongful death of adopted children and suicide among the adoptee community.  I thank the few but vocal adoptees who have pushed to get these stories out.  I am grateful for the APRC (Adoption Policy and Reform Collaborative) for wanting to shed brighter lights on these issues.  I have been challenged to be more inclusive and realize that I need to get my head out of my ass and think more about those who have really struggled.  Is it just because of adoption?  Is adoption THE symptom?  If these children and adults were not adopted, would it have changed things?  Are we looking at victims or part of the solution? Food for more thought.

2012 brought some personal victories and has fueled new passion.  I have been thinking of the now decades I have been in the adoption community and realize only now I am not alone.  My friend Martha (and mom of two adopted kids) and I have become a presenting duo!  And our blog – alliesandagitators.com – has been really fun to write.  To find an ally is like finding a part of you in someone else.  She has stood up for me, stood with me and made me feel less crazy.  I have been asked to write for other blogs.  I have been told by dear friends that I need to stop feeling like I need to prove and sit in the place of knowing.  I have been asked to write more and so, I am resolved to do just that.

While the lens is adoption, I am finding my eyes diverting.  After meeting with the head of advocacy for the SOS Children’s Villages, I realized that at every turn when adoption is discussed, we never complete the conversation about where homeless, orphaned, abused/neglected children should be?  To often the children’s issues get diverted to the grown ups in the situation – parental rights, women’s issues, institutional policies, politics.  I am drawn to the SOS Children’s Villages construct because it focuses on child and family with the basic caveat that children belong in families.  But they take it one step further to ensure continuity for children and while adoption is not off the table, it is not the central apparatus to create family.  The first page of their booklet has the word CARE.  I think this is my new favorite word.  I had been asked to review statements on adoption for this organization.  I am resolved to finish those statements and I am looking forward to a change in direction where adoption is not the only lens I see my life through.

3 thoughts on “Resolving my resolutions

  1. Hi! I was told by an Austrian friend about the SOS Orphan Villages when I was doing research for my book. The model is working well and Chicago was the first US location. The village concept is actually a tribal concept that has worked for generations. Think of it: a dedicated mother for the children under one roof (plus there is more than one house per village) and a school is on the grounds. Their goal is to raise self-sufficient children into strong adults. The idea there are orphans now is rare unless it’s a war-ravaged community somewhere in the world. I am so glad you mentioned SOS Villages – this model could and would work well here in the USA. Why aren’t we building more?

    • thanks for your comment. the more i talk about this organization, the more excited i get. there are two or three in the US. i wonder too why this concept does not grow more and why there is no integration of the philosophy of SOS in the context of adoption. it sort of feels like two wheels spinning in different directions.

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