The shame of the 1st gen, kyopos
The rejection of the .5 gen – born in Korea, immigrated
The pride of those who are legitimate
Each circle has it’s integrity but the lines are ambiguous and lost on me
I intersect all these circles through birth, marriage and friendships
“You’re more Korean than I am” says the Korean immigrant married to a Caucasian American
The world as the wife is mostly White except when she goes to Korea and “home”
Who can know the isolation and compartmentalization she has to do
What does she make of this fake Korean, married to a Korean and her bad Korean skills
Am I a wannabe or better, a mirror of what she ran away from?
“You want to learn Korean, I can teach you..”
I have become complacent in my role as student with all the fluency around me
Am I a fraud for trying to pass, for doing a 95% job in passing?
Are they letting me in because I pass for Korean or because they KNOW I am not and they like it that way
“It’s a Korean thing”
I can’t say that
I don’t know that to be true in my gut
My gut has been permanently altered in the adoption state
But through my White lens, it sure does feel like a Korean thing
Love is love is love is love
But staying committed challenges
Staying means committing
Staying means bearing humiliation
Staying means feeling one step behind
Staying means contending with rage
Staying means immersing
Staying means resilience
Staying means love
